I just shit my pants daddy!
First, let us walk through a high level economic axiom. Consumers in a market economy universally make purchasing decisions through a tradeoff process; this process compares a consumer’s desired ends (i.e., utility) versus the means to acquire the ends (i.e., money). The market accommodates consumers with varying levels of quality & functionality at varying price levels. Consumers survey the market and select the appropriate product that meets their tradeoff between desired ends and available means. This value tradeoff will vary among consumers, because, as Lewis Black will tell you, “…we’re all like snowflakes”.
Let us examine a personal example to hammer this concept home. I am wicked frugal and decide to sit in the bleachers in Fenway for a Sox game for $20 as opposed to the much-coveted seat atop the Green Monsta which sell on stubhub.com for $300. There are a dozen choices in between these two, and the alternative remains to stay home altogether. Only I -- as the consumer in this case -- am capable of efficiently determining how much of my efforts (i.e., dollar wages) the product is worth. Only I can choose among the varying strata of options available in the market, and make the tradeoff decision. This is how a market economy works, and every one of us makes these decisions nearly every day whether we are consciously aware or not. Companies then react to the market demand, prices are adjusted accordingly, consumers react to the changes in the market, and the process continues constantly.
Armed with a basic understanding of the market process, let us now explore why the registry racket retards the market process. The final consumer (my brother, and his lovely fiancé in our introductory example) select one or two retail stores, grab a scanner, and march through the store scanning items that they "need" in an effort to "help" family and friends purchase a gift for the baby shower. Already, we can spot some issues: rather than source from many stores, the registry is typically limited to one or two of the big chains who offer everything and incite this racket; the scanning is usually done on the fly, in one trip, with no comparison or market research & the couple is forced to "need" enough things for their full guest list. These issues when translated into economic terms represent: a limited supply, limited information and an artificial spur in demand; this is the Great Nor’Easter of inefficient purchasing.
My biggest gripe with this registry racket may be slightly less obvious. It became apparent to me in this case when I strolled through Babies R Us with the registry in hand and was confronted with a $250 baby stroller with an iPod plug-in and speakers; I violently erupted -- much to the dismay of my life partner by my side and those families in the general area -- "Are you fucking kidding me?!". Ask yourself some questions: Does he need this? Would he make this decision in the market economy with his earned income? Would I? Would anyone? Now repeat the answers with me: No. No. Fuck no. Idiots maybe.
By separating the consumer from the role of purchaser we unleash chaos and inefficiency; the value tradeoff between quality/features and price can not possibly be conducted when it is not your money. But Copperhead, he saw the price and, therefore, made the value tradeoff when he scanned it. “Hey Farva. What's the name of that bar with all the goofy shit on the walls?.. ‘Shenanigans’.” He is unable to make this determination unless it is his money being spent, and I call Shenanigans on anybody asserting otherwise. And, quite frankly, the entire registry process feels like Eric Cartman’s birthday party where everyone was extorted for a gift of his choice in exchange for the invitation (Southpark Episode S01E08, ‘Damien’); the concept was lampooned in this episode, yet accepted in our world. I call for a mass boycott of this madness. Put some cash in a card with kind words and a copy of this blog post -- the world will be better off.
I'll take the Lamborghini Countach.
As I read the above article while throwing back a couple cold ones, I can not help but agree. I attended the aforementioned co-ed unisex baby shower and had it not been for the bar providing copious amounts of social lubricant in the form of flat beer and cheap wine, this situation would have came to far worse ends. Not to say I do not love my family and friends, and the parents to be, because I do. It is just the environment and criteria for this event/ celebration is ludicrous. The main argument is the registry which I could not agree with more. The end consumer is not the one making the financial decision. They are given a scanner and sent into a store to run a muck. In my opinion, this makes them no better than children sent into Toys R Us on a buying spree while their parents push the karts behind them, ultimately them being stuck with the final monetary repercussions. The obvious argument against this logic is that they see the price before scanning it, and therefor determine whether it is worth it or not. Bullshit! My example that refutes this argument is that tonight I decided to have a few drinks at home instead of going to the bar where I would be forced to purchase overpriced, waterdown bottom shelf liquor and beer. This was a monetary decision based on price. Had my bill been getting paid by someone else my decision to go would have been much different, as would my decision of what drinks to consume. I would certainly be more compelled to make expensive purchases on high price liquor, knowing the financial repercussions would not be headed upon myself.
ReplyDeleteAnother reason this decision is not economically or socially sound is as stated above, most registries are confined to less than a handful of big chains. This violates a free market economy by not allowing the consumer to shop around for a better price, thus inhibiting competition. Competition is a driving force in a free market economy. Without a free market economy we are no better than the Pinko Commies we so publicly feared and criticized for generations.
My last point is more of a question as to why Baby Showers are the only gift receiving venue where it is socially acceptable to tell people what to bring you. If this is the case then why don't all gift giving occasions come with a list of pre-approved gifts to bring (i.e birthdays, weddings, house warming parties, graduations, and other such celebrations). I assume the enthusiasts of such registries will try to convince me its so nobody gets the same gift. My response to this is erroneous. How come this is never a concern for any other celebration; and if it is really that much of a concern, why not just leave a gift receipt and they can return the item at their own discretion. Also if you are that worried about receiving the same gift multiple times then how much stuff do you really need, and if that is the case then why are we even having this party in the first place?
Therefore, I feel the archaic baby shower registry should be abolished like a prohibition. Instead lets just do what we do at every other celebration; or my preferred method of stuffing money in a card.
As far as unisex baby showers go, don't get me started on them. I don't know when this became acceptable but I am perplexed to the reason. In my spare time I do not feel like spending it with a bunch of estrogen fueled women talking about their menstrual cycles, or whatever else women talk about. So instead I will just do what I previously did when invited to a baby shower, send a card, baby blanket, and my condolences for not being to attend your special day filled with bloated women, men who like they're in agony, and conversations about after-birth. No thanks. Instead I will save my weekends for football and nursing hangovers as God intended.