Sports

Leave it to the French



They take this 'no-hands' thing in soccer a bit too far...





Seriously? Leave it to the French to immortalize poor sportsmanship. As you few and faithful readers may be aware, I'm all about sportsmanship. Now this is far from being a cockblasting that was unleashed at this years Olympics, but I would wager just as disgraceful.

For those of you familiar with soccer, you are already aware of Zinedine Zidane and his notorious '98 World Cup headbutt. For those that aren't (Americans) please feel free to watch here and listen to the feeble excuse the announcer gives, but take it with a grain of salt and bare in mind the World Cup Finals, are like Super Bowl except it's not just American's going apeshit, it's the entire world going apeshit over a sporting event.

Again, a Frenchmen was losing a internationally televised sporting event and could not handle the fact that their might be someone out their that is better. Notice a pattern? No? Me either.

One would think the country being represented would be embarrassed by this, but on the contrary. They are not only proud but have immortalized the chickenshit head-butt as a bronze statue in front of the Paris' Centre Pompidou. And here I thought that statue of Rocky infront of the Philadelphia Art Museum was the dumbest shit ever. THE FRENCH WILL NOT BE OUTDONE!

So here we are, they've gone from making statues of Lady Liberty to making ones of Headbutt McScowly? Let's say it will be about, ten years until Nicholas Batum has his statue erected infront of the Louvre? I have alot more to say on this, but am just at a loss at the moment. But hey, if our country hadn't done anything to be proud of since the Renaissance, we'd be grasping at straws too.

 

 

Just picture it in bronze.

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Philadelphia Eagles Mascot Swoop takes the flight out of "Flight Night"

 

Congradulations to Vince Young on the new job.

This past Sunday I was invited by a friend to attend the Philadelphia Eagles Flight Night, which in all honesty is nothing more than just a glorified training camp, followed by a laser light show (which was pretty rad). The atmosphere was electric as fans of all ages made their way around stadium to discover all types of games, collectibles, and the ever so popular stations where you can take pictures with nameless Eagles' cheerleaders. Now like most folks in the Philadelphia/South Jersey region, I love the Birds and being at the Linc with so much excitement, it seems as if there wouldn't be much reason to complain (aside from the $4 bottled waters). It was all good except for one factor, Swoop, the Philadelphia Eagles Mascot who can't seem to throw a souvenir football or t-shirt passed the third row. The crowd was small that night, no seats were filled past the 100 level and with a smaller crowd to please and the make up being mostly children, you would think they would do their absolute best with trying to give everyone a fair shot at the free giveaways. But no, not Swoop and his limp dick of an arm. The crowd cheered as he made his way onto the field, pointed at the stands and did his stupid dances as the fans screamed and raised their hands to the sky with anticipation of catching whatever free gifts that were launched into the seats.

 

Don't get me wrong, as a grown man I could care less if I win a prize, but what about the kids in the last row? I mean seriously, is it that hard to get at least a few shirts past the third row, even with their fancy sling shot? Not only do the fans in the front rows get the privilege of being closer to the action and have a better shot of getting a player to autograph some type of memorabilia, but they also get all the free giveaways too? Bullshit I say! Obviously, Swoop can't get the job done by using his arm or sling shot, so where's the canon? As I look around at all the disappointed children's faces in the back rows and the kids/grown ups in the front rows basking in their glory of free giveaways, sharing high fives, their guts exploding with laughter as they're drenched in spoils I can't help but to think Swoop is a bitch. He looks like a bitch, throws like a bitch, and dances like a bitch. If he is reading this right now, take heed to these words and know that your only purpose is to please the fans and not just the ones in the front row. Fans are fans, whether in the front, back, bathroom, or parking lot. They all deserve the same amount of consideration. If you can't do that then you should take off the jersey, quit your job, and go stand on the street corner with an arrow promotions for Popeye's, this way you don't have to please anyone, just collect a paycheck.

P.S. It doesn't matter if your an eagle, most people won't know the difference or care as they drive by beeping and laughing at your tragically sad dance moves. Bitch.

 

-Moops

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History Made - US defeats Mexico 1-0

Quick everybody, Man-hug!

I realize that I am a day late and a dollar short on reporting the events that took place August 15th, 2012. Yes, I also realize this was just an International Friendly with no FIFA, Confederate, or World Cup implications. And finally, I am also aware that Mexico had just won the gold medal for men's soccer and sat a lot of their starters. However, it was not as if the USA was using all of their best players in this game either, with team leaders like Clint Dempsey, Michael Bradley, Carlos Bocanegra, and Jozy Altidore not participating in the friendly. That all being said, this was one still a historic moment for the US soccer team and probably the best I can recall in recent memory.

For those of you that do not care, or are simply unaware of our team's record when playing in Mexico, please allow me to sum it up. We have been going to Mexico for 75 years to play them in soccer, and do you know what our record was in Mexico before August 15th, 2012? One draw, twenty-three losses, and zero wins. That's right, 0-23-1, we had never beaten them on their home turf until last week. To me, this is a sign that America is finally becoming relevant in the world of soccer(or football, whatever). We've always had a rivalry with Mexico dating back to 1934, mainly due to the fact that our countries are so close to one another. But since the mid 90s, the matches have begun to get more competitive. America is not a team to be taken lightly anymore, and they've been proving it over these past ten years.

Someone tell this guy to get off my back, I can't hear a damn thing!

Now, the game itself was...fine. I'd like to say that our boys really took it to the Mexican team, but it was quite the opposite. It seemed like team Mexico controlled the possession and were on the USA's side of the pitch most of the game. However, the Americans new defensive experiment seemed to pay off, with four defenders deep, anchored by Geoff Cameron, who at one point saved a goal with a beautiful play. While he was marking his man and running towards his own net, he somehow managed to get a head on the cross ment for a wide open Mexican striker, and blast it away from his net. Aside from the stellar defense the Americans put up, there was not much to be excited about in terms of offense. The turning point of the game came around the 78 minute mark I believe, when American coach Jürgen Klinsmann decided to put Brek Shea into the game. As to why he decided to put the struggling midfielder into the game while we were deadlocked at 0-0 with roughly 10 minutes left to play, I do not know. But, it was unquestionably the right call, because a few minutes after checking in Mr. Shea did this:

Brek Shea pictured at the bottom of the screen, not pictured is his enormous dong.

As you can see from the video, what he brought to the game was his energy. A quick burst of speed up the left side, followed by a light touch guiding the ball around the dumbfounded defender, and topped it off with a soft pass to an semi-open Terrence Boyd. The ball was then quickly back heeled by Boyd and was sent spinning toward the goal, only to be finished off by Michael Orozco Fiscal. Not much later, Shea had another run down the side of the pitch and put up a perfect cross to an open teammate(who's name escapes me) that should have made it 2-0, however the cross was not tucked home.

It was the end of the game and US men's soccer was on the verge of history, and that is when Mexico decided to throw everything they had at then, kitchen sink included. If not for the efforts of Tim Howard, well we would still be looking for our first win on Mexican soil. Rather than describe the saves Howard had to make in the last ten minutes of the game, it's easier to show you.

Soccer balls? Shit, I could stop tennis balls out this bitch.

It helped greatly that the Mexican striker Chicharito appeared to be completely snake bitten the entire match. He had countless opportunities, but it just came down to him being a hair offsides, a split second too late, or just plain bad luck.

I am in no way taking anything away from the Americans, they played a hard game and earned the win. But while I watched the game, I could not help to think that Mexico had outclassed them on the pitch. This was a perfect storm for team USA, a stalwart defense that the Mexicans could not penetrate, a goalie zoned in and making incredible saves, a spark plug bench player coming in and playing out of his mind (if only for ten minutes), and well, a world class striker having a less than world class game. But hey, a win is a win and we will take them anyway we can get them.

This was just a warm up, the real game will come in 2014's World Cup Qualifiers. For the future, let's hope the rivalry builds and the time until the qualifiers gives America enough time to get their game up to par with the gold medalist Mexicans. But for now, let's just enjoy the historic victory and be glad we can head into the World Cup Qualifier's without that damn 75 year monkey on our back.

-Blackfyre

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Batum vs. Navarro - The Cockshot Heard Round the World 

Where's my money, bitch?

Holy shit people, I could not believe it when I saw it. Apparently, Nicholas Batum became enraged in the final minutes of the game as his Frenchmen were facing elimination via the Spaniards in the quarterfinals of men's basketball. He spotted his arch nemesis Juan Carlos Navarro, balled up the massive hamhock he calls a fist while sprinting toward his unknowing victim, and with the fury of a thousand suns threw a cockpunch so fierce that I assume sent the tiny spaniard into a horrible mix of severe convulsions, vomiting blood, and massive rectal leakage.

"I wanted to give them a good reason to flop," Batum was quoted saying, which implies that it wasn't necessarily Navarro that was a specific target of his rage, just a bystander of it, that happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and paid dearly for it. Now for a moment let's forget this was on the world stage and this guy hasn't embarrassed his coach, teammates, and country. Let's also forget that being a sore loser and a sucker punching pussy is extremely lame and those are the worst kinds of people. And lastly, let's forget that his guy won't be punished very harshly even though he deserves to be banned from any sporting event ever because he cannot conduct himself like a civilized human being. With that all forgotten, for me, this was an hilarious moment in an otherwise low scoring and uneventful game. Some people might not agree and say that it has no place in the sports, and to those of you boring fucktards, I pose the question, "Would basketball, college, NBA, or otherwise, benefit from an deranged dickbashing enforcer imposing his will on his opponents?" Please take a moment to think about this, it works in hockey right, I mean, aside from the crotch assault. Who wouldn't tune in to see giants abuse each other's penis' for four straight quarters? The answer is nobody that I would associate with, which leads me to believe this is the evolution of basketball before our eyes. People said it was the 3 point shot, or the expansion of the 3 second area or misguidedly stated it would be Slamball. But they were/are dead wrong, it is oversized neanderthals striking each other in the go-nads.

-Blackfyre



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Garrett Reid Dead at 29

Son of Phildelphia Eagles Head Coach Andy Reid was found dead at Lehigh University...

At 7:20 a.m. Lehigh University campus police discovered Garrett Reid the oldest son of Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid dead. Officers deemed Reid as "unresponsive" after the University's Chief of Police, Edward Shupp placed the 911 call.

Shupp explained "Upon arrival, it was observed that attempts were made to revive the individual, and they were unsuccessful", Shupp also stated that "The individual was deceased upon arrival and that no suspicious activities were found".  Northampton County Coroner Zachary Lysek, who pronounced Reid deceased at the scene, said he is conducting an investigation at the request of the Lehigh campus police.

It was a sad morning as players and coaching staff gathered in prayer before the team's 8:15 a.m. walkthrough.  General Manager Howie Roseman and University Chief of Police Edward Shupp spoke with reporters.

I have some heart breaking news to share with you all," Roseman began. "It is with great sadness that I tell you Garrett Reid, the oldest son of Andy Reid, was found dead in his room this morning in his room here at training camp. It's a tough morning for all of us in the Eagles family".

Garrett had been working alongside the strength and coordinating staff.  He was doing good and had seemed to come a long way since the days' of 2007 when he was convicted to a 23 month sentence for smashing into a passenger operated vehicle while he was high on heroin.

The last time that coach Reid had missed a practice was in 2007 when he went to his sons court hearing, was not at this morning's walkthrough.

-Moops

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Medal Results

No. 2 Ranked U.S.A holds 11 Medals Total

Right: Ryan Lochte, Left: Michael Phelps

With the opening weekend of the Olympics coming to a close team U.S.A is currently ranked No. 2 taking home 11 medals total thus far.  Most of their medals came by way of  swimming events.  The break down is as follow; 3 Gold (2 from Women's Skeet Shooting and 1 from Men's 400m Individual Medley).  5 Silver (1 Men's team Archery, 1 Women's Synchronised Diving, 1 Men's 4 X 100 Freestyle Relay, 1 Women's 4 X100 Individual Medley).  3 Bronze, (1 Men's 100m Breaststroke, 1 Men's 400m Relay, and 1 Women's 4 X 100 Freestyle Relay).  The Men's Swimming events played out to be a bit on the disappointing side with the return of  8 time Gold medalist Michael Phelps not reclaiming the events that he set world records in at Bejieng 4 years ago.  More events are set to start with the beginning of the week bringing more possibilities for the Americans to see the podium.  Still in the hunt for medals are Men's and Women's Soccer, Men's Basketball, Women's and Men's Beach and Indoor Volleyball, and Men's and Women's Gymnastics.

 

-Moops

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London Oylmpics 2012

The Best of the Best set to Compete...

Magic in the air as the 2012 Olympic Summer Games hosted in London, England are set to officially kick off  at tonight's opening ceremony.  Every 4 years whether it be summer or winter, the Olympic games summon together the best athletes from around the globe to compete on the worlds biggest stage.  The opening ceremony is a spectacle within itself as it usually entails a large ceremonial production to light the torch that ushers in hopeful athletes competing for the gold.  I can't even explain why it is that I get so excited when the Olympics are on.  Most of the games featured I don't even watch on a regular basis which makes them all the more interesting.  When do you get the chance to watch sports like Track & Field, Gymnastics, Badminton, Synchronized Diving, Swimming, and the list goes on and on.  One of the sports that I hope to catch is Women's Volleyball.  Now although I will be watching for the competition, I will admit that cute women bouncing around in bikinis does sweeten the pot.  Currently Mens' and Women's soccer is in full swing but the first event officially set to go off after the opening ceremony will be the Women's 10m Air Riffle Qualification.  One of the more main scale sports, Basketball, will be under close watch and filled with expectation as Lebron James was quoted saying that the "2012 team would defeat the 1992 Dream Team".  Does that mean a gold medal hands down?  The excitement and expectation of gold from the team is high but I think that American's still have to see it to believe it after the few last Olympics teams representing the US performed sub par at best.  Check back frequently as we will have updates, results, and coverage of the 2012 Summer Olympics.

-Moops

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Sixers Officially sign Kwame Brown

Dollhairs? But that's the only way this move makes any sense....

"Kwame James Brown (born March 10, 1982) is an American professional basketball player currently playing for the Philadelphia 76ers." That is now the first line of his wikipedia entry, and it still makes me cringe but not for much longer. Friday night was a dark day. Friday, the nation mourned the loss of those 12 gunned down at the opening of the Dark Knight movie in Aurora, CO. A tragedy indeed, one that overshadowed a much lesser tragedy, but still one that broke my heart in Philadelphia, PA. Friday, the Philadelphia 76ers officially signed this 1st round bust and scrub, as Stephen A so eloquently put it on ESPN(where he works when he isn't on his second job as a Ludacris look a like) Again, Friday, July 20th is when the Sixers officially signed Kwame Brown and Friday, July 20th was the day I officially put a jihad on Sixers management. Incompetence is not an excuse, infact in their place, it is inexcusable. They haven't been relevant since A.I. and even with all the young talent they refuse to make a serious move. I was glad they amnestied Elton Brand, but resigning Spencer Hawes and those atrocious early picks makes me want to slit my wrists and sob in the corner as I slowly bled out, oh and the kicker, they lost their best scorer in Lou Will. Now they signed Kwame Brown for 2 years and 6 million dollars? It makes no sense, we already have three bad seven footers, why add a forth HORRIBLE six eleven(er)? I'm more puzzled then angry, more embarrassed then enraged, and far too sad to be mad. I've loved this team for maybe 20 years give or take, and I am throwing in the towel and toss my lot in with the Brooklyn Nets, they are close, they will probably have dope uniforms, and if they somehow manage to get Dwight Howard without giving up too much(i.e. Humphries, Williams, Johnson) they are automatically contenders. Not to mention this is probably the only team left in the NBA I don't have a reason to hate for crushing my squad these past 10 years. To any Philly fans reading this, I tried, I really did but you can only get kicked in the dick so many times before you move out of the way. I hope you guys get a championship, but I think we can all agree Kwame Brown is not the solution. Any player that's been in the league eleven years and averages 5 RPG and 6 PPG with almost a 60% free throw shooting average should not be signed by anyone unless they don't HAVE a center. No, I retract the above statement, the Sixers could start Jrue Holiday at center and would get 5 rebounds by ACCIDENT. Well, I digress it was a foolish and shameful move on the Sixers part, but we are all going to have to move on. With that I will leave you with Kobe trying to explain how bad his ex teammate actually is....Good luck Philly this is where we part ways. LET'S GO BROOKLYN!

UPDATE: IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW:

-Blackfyre