Opinion: The Camden City Cigarette Party

My arduous, hour-long commute from work this afternoon -- which, I might add, was quite exasperated by the Labor Day thrill-seekers overflowing in minivans filled with an alcoholic’s paranoia at the dire annunciation of ‘last call’ -- was calmed by the soothing, poetic voice of the late Christopher Hitchens reading the book he authored God is Not Great.  Filth of this sort upsets the devout, but reminds me -- an unholy, non-believer -- that I am unconditionally free from an omnipotent, omniscient & omnipresent ruler, and unrestricted in living my life according to my own volition.  Or am I?

"This cigarette business only confirms my suspicions about god's existence."



With windows down, I cruise past the umpteenth WaWa as Hitch goes in for full penetration: “Violent, irrational, intolerant, allied to racism and tribalism and bigotry, invested in ignorance and hostile to free inquiry, contemptuous of women and coercive toward children: organized religion ought to have a great deal on its conscience.”  Then I notice a sign on the well-groomed grass of the WaWa: “[Cigarettes] Sold at the lowest price allowed by law!”. Well, stop the music.  Just what do you mean?

Have we called “the state” off the bench to pinch-hit for our divine, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent ruler in cases of economics?  The state, rebuked in the past for their epic failures in the arena of price ceilings, is still playing un-criticized with price hurdles it seems.

As of January 1, 2012, New Jersey imposed a $2.70 per pack tax on cigarettes.  PER BLOODY PACK!  And this exorbitant amount only lands them at #6 among these united States (gather your children for a fun game of ‘Find Out How Much My State Thinks I Should Be Taxed For Purchasing Unhealthy Products, Although I Have Decided For Myself To Take The Risk When Making The Purchasing Decision’ by clicking here.  “But, Mom, I thought America was a free-market?” “Ah, Timmy, so naïve you are.  Those public schools will educate you!”).  So, a one-pack-a-day kinda’ guy from the Garden State will pay $2.70 per pack per day multiplied by 365 days in a year, which costs him thousand bucks every year.

Why?  Is it because cigarettes are unhealthy?  Such reasoning would force the state to tax every unhealthy aspect of our lives, which ironically includes the state themselves and their intermingling in the economic affairs of society.  The current paternalistic state should offend any rational, reason-minded citizen; the legislation of morality and "healthiness" (subjective a phrase as it is) should not be tolerated by any civilized society.

In conclusion, I want to express my empathy to WaWa as a non-smoking, atheist champion of liberty and free markets.  This company is willing, by every indication, to charge lower prices for cigarettes, but the state will not allow it.  Consumers pay the price to fill the insatiable gut of Mr. Christie under the guise of morality and health.  Do not let the rhetoric beguile you.

Christie hungry.

How can we convince the state that excise taxes are unjust, and that legislating morality is immoral in itself?  Who is John Galt?

Well, tonight, under the stars of Camden city, at the foot of the Ben Franklin Bridge, we fill the Delaware River with [even more]: stogies, butts, roaches, cartons, chew, snus, snuff, blunt guts, cigars, doobies & empty cigarette packs.  Join me comrades!

Seriously, stop asking me, I haven't the foggiest.



Sports: Swoop Throws Like a Bitch!

Philadelphia Eagles Mascot Swoop takes the flight out of "Flight Night"

Philadelphia Eagles Mascot Swoop

This past Sunday I was invited by a friend to attend the Philadelphia Eagles Flight Night, which in all honesty is nothing more than just a glorified training camp, followed by a laser light show (which was pretty rad). The atmosphere was electric as fans of all ages made their way around stadium to discover all types of games, collectables, and the ever so popular stations where you can take pictures with nameless Eagles' cheerleaders. Now like most folks in the Philadelphia/South Jersey region, I love the Birds and being at the Linc with so much excitement, it seems as if there wouldn't be much reason to complain (aside from the $4 bottled waters). It was all good except for one factor, Swoop, the Philadelphia Eagles Mascot who can't seem to throw a souvenir football or t-shirt passed the third row. The crowd was small that night, no seats were filled past the 100 level and with a smaller crowd to please and the make up being mostly children, you would think they would do their absolute best with trying to give everyone a fair shot at the free giveaways. But no, not Swoop and his limp dick of an arm.  The crowd cheered as he made his way onto the field, pointed at the stands and did his stupid dances as the fans screamed and raised their hands to the sky with anticipation of catching whatever free gifts that were launched into the seats.

Don't get me wrong, as a grown man I could care less if I win a prize, but what about the kids in the last row? I mean seriously, is it that hard to get at least a few shirts past the third row, even with their fancy sling shot? Not only do the fans in the front rows get the privilege of being closer to the action and have a better shot of getting a player to autograph some type of memorabilia, but they also get all the free giveaways too? Bullshit I say! Obviously, Swoop can't get the job done by using his arm or sling shot, so where's the canon? As I look around at all the disappointed children's faces in the back rows and the kids/grown ups in the front rows basking in their glory of free giveaways, sharing high fives, their guts exploding with laughter as they're drenched in spoils I can't help but to think Swoop is a bitch. He looks like a bitch, throws like a bitch, and dances like a bitch.  If he is reading this right now, take heed to these words and know that your only purpose is to please the fans and not just the ones in the front row. Fans are fans, whether in the front, back, bathroom, or parking lot. They all deserve the same amount of consideration.  If you can't do that then you should take off the jersey, quit your job, and go stand on the street corner with an arrow promotions for Popeye's, this way you don't have to please anyone, just collect a paycheck. 

P.S. It doesn't matter if your an eagle, most people won't know the difference or care as they drive by beeping and laughing at your tragically sad dance moves. Bitch.

Sports: History Made - US defeats Mexico 1-0

Quick everybody, Man-hug!

I realize that I am a day late and a dollar short on reporting the events that took place August 15th, 2012. Yes, I also realize this was just an International Friendly with no FIFA, Confederate, or World Cup implications. And finally, I am also aware that Mexico had just won the gold medal for men's soccer and sat a lot of their starters. However, it was not as if the USA was using all of their best players in this game either, with team leaders like Clint Dempsey, Michael Bradley, Carlos Bocanegra, and Jozy Altidore not participating in the friendly. That all being said, this victory was still a historic moment for the US soccer team and probably the best I can recall in recent memory.

For those of you that do not care, or are simply unaware of our team's record when playing in Mexico, please allow me to sum it up. We have been going to Mexico for 75 years to play them in soccer, and do you know what our record was in Mexico before August 15th, 2012? One draw, twenty-three losses, and zero wins. That's right, 0-23-1, we had never beaten them on their home turf until last week. To me, this is a sign that America is finally becoming relevant in the world of soccer(or football, whatever). We've always had a rivalry with Mexico dating back to 1934, mainly due to the fact that our countries are so close to one another. But since the mid 90s, the matches have begun to get more competitive. America is not a team to be taken lightly anymore, and they've been proving it over these past ten years.

Someone tell this guy to get off my back, I can't hear a damn thing!

Now, the game itself was...fine. I'd like to say that our boys really took it to the Mexican team, but it was quite the opposite. It seemed like team Mexico controlled the possession and were on the USA's side of the pitch most of the game. However, the Americans new defensive experiment seemed to pay off, with four defenders deep, anchored by Geoff Cameron, who at one point saved a goal with a beautiful play. While he was marking his man and running towards his own net, he somehow managed to get a head on the cross ment for a wide open Mexican striker, and blast it away from his net. Aside from the stellar defense the Americans put up, there was not much to be excited about in terms of offense. The turning point of the game came around the 78 minute mark I believe, when American coach Jürgen Klinsmann decided to put Brek Shea into the game. As to why he decided to put the struggling midfielder into the game while we were deadlocked at 0-0 with roughly 10 minutes left to play, I do not know. But, it was unquestionably the right call, because a few minutes after checking in Mr. Shea did this:

Brek Shea pictured at the bottom of the screen, not pictured is his enormous dong.

As you can see from the video, what he brought to the game was his energy. A quick burst of speed up the left side, followed by a light touch guiding the ball around the dumbfounded defender, and topped it off with a soft pass to an semi-open Terrence Boyd. The ball was then quickly back heeled by Boyd and was sent spinning toward the goal, only to be finished off by Michael Orozco Fiscal. Not much later, Shea had another run down the same side of the pitch and put up a perfect cross to an open teammate(who's name escapes me) that should have made it 2-0, however the cross was not tucked home.

It was the end of the game and US men's soccer was on the verge of history, and that is when Mexico decided to throw everything they had at them, kitchen sink included. If not for the efforts of Tim Howard, well we would still be looking for our first win on Mexican soil. Rather than describe the saves Howard had to make in the last ten minutes of the game, it's easier to show you.

Soccer balls? Shit, I could stop tennis balls out this bitch.

It helped greatly that the Mexican striker Chicharito appeared to be completely snake bitten the entire match. He had countless opportunities, but it just came down to him being a hair offsides, a split second too late, or just plain bad luck.

I am in no way taking anything away from the Americans, they played a hard game and earned the win. But while I watched the game, I could not help to think that Mexico had outclassed them on the pitch. This was a perfect storm for team USA, a stalwart defense that the Mexicans could not penetrate, a goalie zoned in and making incredible saves, a spark plug bench player coming in and playing out of his mind (if only for ten minutes), and well, a world class striker having a less than world class game. But hey, a win is a win and we will take them anyway we can get them.

This was just a warm up, the real game will come in 2014's World Cup Qualifiers. For the future, let's hope the rivalry builds and the time until the qualifiers gives America enough time to get their game up to par with the gold medalist Mexicans. But for now, let's just enjoy the historic victory and be glad we can head into the World Cup Qualifier's without that damn 75 year monkey on our back.

Opinion: Boycott the Registry Racket

My younger brother was short-sighted enough to have conceived a beautiful baby girl a few months back. Now that this angel is living among us, I am reminded of the strange unisex baby shower that preceded her arrival. This awful, feminine-fest was fortunately held at a bar, stocked with enough craft beer to placate the never-thirstier mouths of the men dragged to witness the insanity (What is the deal with the umbrella and goofy chair? This is what happens when women are left alone too long.). My niece is a true miracle, and this article will be limited to an examination of the lunacy known as the Baby Shower Registry.

I just shit my pants daddy!

I am perhaps too young to remember when this phenomenon first hit the scene, and perhaps the registry replaced an even worse process (even though it may seem hard to imagine that a group of excited women would make uneconomical decisions). Regardless, I assert that the process of gift giving via a registry is uneconomical and should, therefore, be eradicated and replaced.

First, let us walk through a high level economic axiom. Consumers in a market economy universally make purchasing decisions through a tradeoff process; this process compares a consumer’s desired ends (i.e., utility) versus the means to acquire the ends (i.e., money). The market accommodates consumers with varying levels of quality & functionality at varying price levels. Consumers survey the market and select the appropriate product that meets their tradeoff between desired ends and available means. This value tradeoff will vary among consumers, because, as Lewis Black will tell you, “…we’re all like snowflakes”.

Let us examine a personal example to hammer this concept home. I am wicked frugal and decide to sit in the bleachers in Fenway for a Sox game for $20 as opposed to the much-coveted seat atop the Green Monsta which sell on stubhub.com for $300. There are a dozen choices in between these two, and the alternative remains to stay home altogether. Only I -- as the consumer in this case -- am capable of efficiently determining how much of my efforts (i.e., dollar wages) the product is worth. Only I can choose among the varying strata of options available in the market, and make the tradeoff decision. This is how a market economy works, and every one of us makes these decisions nearly every day whether we are consciously aware or not. Companies then react to the market demand, prices are adjusted accordingly, consumers react to the changes in the market, and the process continues constantly.

Armed with a basic understanding of the market process, let us now explore why the registry racket retards the market process. The final consumer (my brother, and his lovely fiancé in our introductory example) select one or two retail stores, grab a scanner, and march through the store scanning items that they "need" in an effort to "help" family and friends purchase a gift for the baby shower. Already, we can spot some issues: rather than source from many stores, the registry is typically limited to one or two of the big chains who offer everything and incite this racket; the scanning is usually done on the fly, in one trip, with no comparison or market research & the couple is forced to "need" enough things for their full guest list. These issues when translated into economic terms represent: a limited supply, limited information and an artificial spur in demand; this is the Great Nor’Easter of inefficient purchasing.

My biggest gripe with this registry racket may be slightly less obvious. It became apparent to me in this case when I strolled through Babies R Us with the registry in hand and was confronted with a $250 baby stroller with an iPod plug-in and speakers; I violently erupted -- much to the dismay of my life partner by my side and those families in the general area -- "Are you fucking kidding me?!". Ask yourself some questions: Does he need this? Would he make this decision in the market economy with his earned income? Would I? Would anyone? Now repeat the answers with me: No. No. Fuck no. Idiots maybe.

By separating the consumer from the role of purchaser we unleash chaos and inefficiency; the value tradeoff between quality/features and price can not possibly be conducted when it is not your money. But Copperhead, he saw the price and, therefore, made the value tradeoff when he scanned it. “Hey Farva. What's the name of that bar with all the goofy shit on the walls?.. ‘Shenanigans’.” He is unable to make this determination unless it is his money being spent, and I call Shenanigans on anybody asserting otherwise. And, quite frankly, the entire registry process feels like Eric Cartman’s birthday party where everyone was extorted for a gift of his choice in exchange for the invitation (Southpark Episode S01E08, ‘Damien’); the concept was lampooned in this episode, yet accepted in our world. I call for a mass boycott of this madness. Put some cash in a card with kind words and a copy of this blog post -- the world will be better off.

I'll take the Lamborghini Countach.

Sports: Batum vs. Navarro - The Cockshot Heard Round the World

Where's my money, bitch?

Holy shit people, I could not believe it when I saw it. Apparently, Nicholas Batum became enraged in the final minutes of the game as his Frenchmen were facing elimination via the Spaniards in the quarterfinals of men's basketball. He spotted his arch nemesis Juan Carlos Navarro, balled up the massive hamhock he calls a fist while sprinting toward his unknowing victim, and with the fury of a thousand suns threw a cockpunch so fierce that I assume sent the tiny spaniard to the floors in the fetal position alternating between a horrible mix of severe convulsions, vomiting blood, and massive rectal leakage.

"I wanted to give them a good reason to flop," Batum was quoted saying, which implies that it wasn't necessarily Navarro that was a specific target of his rage, just a bystander of it, that happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and paid dearly. Now for a moment let's forget this was on the world stage and this guy hasn't embarrassed his coach, teammates, and country. Let's also forget that being a sore loser and a sucker punching pussy is extremely lame and those are the worst kinds of people. And lastly, let's forget that his guy won't be punished very harshly even though he deserves to be banned from any sporting event ever because he cannot conduct himself like a civilized human being. With that all forgotten, for me, this was an hilarious moment in an otherwise low scoring and uneventful game. Some people might not agree and say that it has no place in the sports, and to those of you boring fucktards, I pose the question, "Would basketball, college, NBA, or otherwise, benefit from an deranged dickbashing enforcer imposing his will on his opponents?" Please take a moment to think about this, it works in hockey right, I mean, aside from the crotch assault. Who wouldn't tune in to see giants abuse each other's penis' for four straight quarters? The answer is nobody that I would associate with, which leads me to believe this is the evolution of basketball before our eyes. People said it was the 3 point shot, or the expansion of the 3 second area or misguidedly stated it would be Slamball. But they were/are dead wrong, it is oversized neanderthals striking each other in the go-nads.

Scene : Craft Beer Sales Explode!

Craft Beers are rising faster than anytime since Prohibition...

Now I don't know about you, but I do enjoy myself a good craft beer, and apparently I'm not alone.  According to the Brewers Association there are now 2,126 craft breweries in the U.S., which turns out to be the most there have been since 1890.  That figure also includes the 350 new breweries that have opened since June 2011.  Surprising?  Maybe, but I've noticed that almost every time I'm at a function be it a BBQ or shooting the breeze at the local watering hole, at least one person is either drinking or telling me about this new craft beer they've discovered.  

The sales of craft beers have seen a 12 percent increase despite the fact that overall beer sales are down.  Makes perfect since, if the sales of craft beers continue to go up then naturally the "traditional" beer sales will begin to drop.  Take myself for example, when I was younger I usually went for the more "traditional" beers or whatever I seen the older guys drinking, but now I'm always on the look out for something new to try.  

An interesting quote from Paul Gatza, director of the brewers association stated "Beer passionate Americans are opening breweries at a rate faster than the day Prohibition ended for the beverage moderation.  There is nearly a new brewery opening for everyday of the year, benefiting beer lovers and communities in every area across the country".  I'll cheers to that.  Another fun fact about these craft breweries is they account for about 104,000 full and part-time jobs, helping our nation's recovering economy.  So next time you hit the liquor store and your looking for something new, try checking out a craft beer.

A few suggestions to check out...

- Old Brown Dog (Smutty Nose Brewing Co.)
-DogFish Head
-Samuel Adams Boston Larger

Opinion : Victims of Ignorance

Is it really gun control that we need or ignorance control?

On Sunday the fears of 9/11 were brought back to surface as a shooting took place at a Sikh Temple in Milwaukee.  The gunman was identified by associate press as Wade Michael Page, 40, who also was a military veteran and resident of neighboring community.

Page, 40, was killed by officers in the parking lot after he allegedly fired off rounds close range at police as they attempted to stop him. Oak Creek Police Chief John Edwards told reporters that Page served in the Army from 1992 to 1998.  Police investigations report the shooter, who was white, harbored extreme racial views, but cautioned none of those allegations have been confirmed.

Just about a week ago author, Blackfyre, posted an opinion piece on gun control.  Now while I do agree with his point of view and also believe that we have the right to bear arms it comes down to a simple fact: "Guns don't kill people, people kill people".  So while we could go back and forth all day about gun control, where's the discussion on ignorance control?

Sports : Garret Reid Dead at 29

Son of Phildelphia Eagles Head Coach Andy Reid was found dead at Lehigh University...

At 7:20 a.m. Lehigh University campus police discovered Garrett Reid the oldest son of Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid dead. Officers deemed Reid as "unresponsive" after the University's Chief of Police, Edward Shupp placed the 911 call.

Shupp explained "Upon arrival, it was observed that attempts were made to revive the individual, and they were unsuccessful", Shupp also stated that "The individual was deceased upon arrival and that no suspicious activities were found".  Northampton County Coroner Zachary Lysek, who pronounced Reid deceased at the scene, said he is conducting an investigation at the request of the Lehigh campus police.

Music : No More Snoop Dogg?

Snoop Dogg has now changed his name to Snoop Lion...

Snoop Lion

It's official, Snoop Doggy Dogg, the rapper that we've all come to know and love has changed his name to Snoop Lion.  On Tuesday at a press release in New York Snoop broke the news to reporters and industry reps that he was losing the Dog and adding the Lion.  

So why the change?  It was a bit of a spiritual experience one might say.  On a trip to Jamaica Snoop said he had an epiphany and came to the realization that he was bored with rap and that it was time to start making music that his grandparents and grandkids could listen to.

While on his journey in Jamaica Snoop took a visit to one of the holiest Rastafarian temples where he was blessed with the title of Lion.  Unlike dogs, Lions hold a place of pride in the Rasta theology and Rastafarians would indicate you calling yourself a dog as having a lack of self knowledge.  The symbolism of the Lion runs deep in Rastarfarian theology being that it's a symbol for Solomon's tribe of Judah (Christians see Christ as the Lion of Judah).  The most famous Rastafarian of all time, Bob Marley often sang about the "Lion of Zion".

So what does this mean for all the Snopp fans across the globe?  Well the Lion sees himself as a reincarnation of the late Bob Marley and wishes to keep the fire of his spirit burning.  In the late fall we can expect to see Snoop's first reggae album released.

At the end of the conference Snoop told reporters "I feel like I've always been Rastafari, I just didn't have my third eye open".

Perspective : Law and Disorder in Philadelphia

BBC attempts to understand the high crime rate in Philadelphia.

In 2010 the BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) released a documentary that searched for answers to the high crime rate in Philadelphia.  Reporters took a tour of the North Philadelphia section of the city with Police officers from the 24th precent to try to gain insight on what could be causing such a high crime/murder rate that the city is notorious for.

The documentary features officers from different divisions including beat cops, under covers, and special units designated specifically to the elimination of drug and violent criminal activity.  Law enforcement agents attempt to show the obstacles in place as they make little to no progress in "cleaning up the streets".  They also shed light onto some of the reasons why the streets have become so riddled with crime.

But there's two sides to every story and this documentary makes an effort in showing that.  You hear from the dealers, dope heads, and "victims".  I use quotations when I say victims because although the police are trying to do their job of keeping the streets safe, they use a controversial tactic known as "Stop and Frisk", an article of legislation that was passed after Mayor Michael Nutter took office in 2008.  The law gives the police the right to stop and search anybody even if there's no suspicion to do so.

As interesting as this documentary is, it's also sad too seeing the oppression that people live in along with a cultural train of thought doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon.  One of the major themes that echo in this documentary is the "Stop Snitching" state of mind that cripples the communities they plague in more ways than one.